Anger Management

This should be a slow purposeful counting with the goal of calming down. If counting to 10 isn’t enough, keep going to 20 or 30.

Repeat a phrase like, “Take it easy” or “relax.” Repeat this to yourself while breathing slowly and deeply.

Visualize a relaxing scene or experience, either from memory or from your imagination.

When you take deep breaths, breathe from the diaphragm instead of the lungs. Picture yourself breathing from your “gut.” When you breathe from the diaphragm, you should feel your stomach moving in and out. Your shoulders should not be moving. Breathing from the diaphragm helps slow your heart rate and release muscle tension.

This is best tried in a sitting or lying down position. One by one, think of each muscle and relax it, removing all of the tension from it.

Slow stretches can relax and remove tension from your muscles.

Angry people tend to curse, swear, or speak in highly colorful terms that reflect their inner thoughts. Speaking these things out loud can cause damage to personal and working relationships. Think before you speak so that you don’t have to repair more damage in the end.

When you're angry, your thinking can get very exaggerated and overly dramatic. Try replacing these thoughts with more rational ones.

Be careful of words like "never" or "always" when talking about yourself or someone else. For example, “You always do _________” or “I never get it right!” These kinds of statements are inaccurate. They make you feel that your anger is justified and that there's no way to solve the problem. They also alienate and humiliate people who might otherwise be willing to work with you on a solution.

There are many grey areas in our lives. When you think of things in terms of black or white (for example, either they are my friend or they aren’t), it’s difficult to find the positive in a negative situation, see things from someone else’s point of view, or work together to bring resolution.

Self-talk is that voice inside your head that tells yourself about yourself or about a situation. Here are some positive self-talk statements that can help you deal with anger:

• Is this really worth getting so angry about?
• My getting angry is not going to help anything.
• Don’t take this personally.
• Let it go. It’s not worth the emotional effort.
• I really don’t have to feel angry about this if I choose not to.
• Just because someone says something, that doesn’t make it true.
• Stay calm, stay cool.
• Don’t judge the person. Judge the behavior.
• Will I remember this in three years? Three months? Three hours?

Logic defeats anger, because anger, even when it's justified, can quickly become irrational. So use cold hard logic on yourself. Remind yourself that the world is "not out to get you," you're just experiencing some of the rough spots of daily life. This will help you keep a more balanced perspective.

Many people experience anger as a way of deflecting away from other emotions, such as fear, disappointment, insecurity, hurt, or frustration. In order to deal with hurt or frustration, we must acknowledge them for what they are. Getting angry will not take care of feeling hurt or feeling fear.

A quick jog around the block can release pent-up energy and enable you to approach the situation with a cooler head. Not only does exercise relieves stress, lower blood pressure, and release powerful endorphins that improve your mood, it can also put some time and space between you and the stressful or frustrating situation.

There is nothing more calming to your nervous system than communicating face to face with people who care about you. Your friends don’t have to be able to fix your stress; they just need to be good listeners.

Take a breather and remove yourself from the situation that is causing you to become angry.

If one of your reactions to anger is to clench your fist, try squeezing a stress ball instead. Stress balls are small balls or objects filled with a malleable gel or clay that are held in the palm of your hand. The act of repeatedly squeezing the ball releases tension and helps to relieve stress.